Milwaukee Bucks: 15 cautions before spending your life with a Bucks superfan

Before making a long-term commitment to your Milwaukee Bucks superfan significant other, there are things you should probably be forewarned of. If you can live with this list, or at least most of it, you are absolutely perfect for each other.

Milwaukee Bucks superfans can be very simple to understand, despite sometimes having very complex moments. We have worldviews that have been developed by years of NBA futility and NBA purgatory, yet we’ve been presently tasked with dealing with a championship contender.

This is a moment we’ve almost been thrust in to overnight, so our emotions are a work-in-progress. Once you really peel back the layers of the onion, you’ll find the authenticity, and some of the general truths, will start to creep out.

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To assist with peeling back the layers of the particular Milwaukee Bucks onion that you are sharing your life with, below is a list of some of these principles, truisms and, most importantly, expectations as your relationships grows.

1. Giannis Antetokounmpo is priority, and must lead off this list. Vows may be exchanged about prioritizing each other in times of sickness and in health and yada-ya, but with Giannis, the vows serve more as general guidelines.  Should Giannis for some bizarre reason need us to walk his dog or buy him a smoothie, we drop everything.

2. Hold off on making any springtime plans, like say a wedding or honeymoon, until if/when the Bucks are eliminated.  This is all very new, even to your super-fan spouse, so give your partner some time to adjust to these new commitments.

3. Argue back and forth about politics all you want, but if Malcolm Brogdon is ever on the ticket, your vote and your allegiance will not be in question, and your front yard will absolutely be plastered with lawn signs.

4. Dinner time is not an excuse to turn off a game.  We will cook, eat, and chat about the day, but the game remains on, or temporarily paused.

5. You can choose where you’d like us to sleep on west coast game nights. We understand the 9.30pm central start time isn’t the most convenient when we clomp through the bedroom around midnight on a Tuesday after beating Sacramento by 20. If you want us to take the couch or the guest bedroom, we feel this is a fair compromise.

6. You relinquish any and all veto power on dressing the dogs and the babies in Bucks gear.  It’s cute, even if it really isn’t all that cute.

7. While on the topic, there is nothing wrong with wearing a Bucks jersey on a beach or boat, especially the rare vintage ones such as a purple Tim Thomas (we won’t even wear the headband). While we completely agree a jersey is neither functional nor stylish in most every public domain, if we are catching some rays, it can certainly pass as just any other normal beachwear. If Old Man Jenkins down the beach can get away with just a skimpy royal blue speedo, our jerseys certainly shouldn’t be condemned.

8. We still have demons to work out from our Bucks of seasons past. We carry an ‘expect the worst’ card in our back pocket that protects us from failures and letdowns, but we still can easily fall into a state of despondence.  It’s best practice to just provide an ear to let us openly talk about these feelings. If they seem like frivolous tales about the contract of Dan Gadzuric, or this phenomenon we reference as “eighth seed or bust”, just let us get it all out of our system. We’ll eventually just talk ourselves to sleep.

9. There is no bad seat at Fiserv Forum, so there’s no need to worry about where we’ll be sitting. We certainly understand your concerns from past Bucks arena experiences of scaling the alps to get to a seat in the upper bowl, but the discussion should instead focus on which pregame tavern to frequent before tip-off. If your response to this is one of impartialness (a usual topic of contention in relationships), if we’re shoulder to shoulder with Bucks fans in a jam packed Who’s on Third, then you’ll have to deal with the crowds.

10. Speaking of complaining, we hold the right to complain and yell at the television about referees as much as we feel necessary to make our point, despite no one being around to hear us. When Giannis gets tackled by four players, and three supposedly unbiased individuals from 15 feet away can’t see it, then we hope the collective voices yelling at screens will somehow help.

11. Back to the Fiserv Forum point. The season tickets discussion is inevitable, if it hasn’t already occurred, so be ready for it. The idea will be floated at some point in your life on if it makes sense to invest in. Have your thoughts ready, and use financial methodology to argue your point. We will respect that you have given it thought.

12. When at these games, we do not leave our seats at halftime if Red Panda is the entertainment. Until someone else in the world can duplicate her talent of flipping bowls from her feet to land on the top of her head, all while riding a unicycle, we will stay seated and we will cheer and appreciate.

13. We have three families; our actual family, our soon to be in-laws, and our Bucks Twitter family. The Bucks family generally brings little value and mostly consternation to our lives, but it’s what we chose. We can’t explain why we keep them either, so there is no point in asking.

14. Should the Milwaukee Bucks win an NBA Championship, take precautions for whatever areas of the house you’d like to maintain. The majority of us were not around in 1971 when this achievement last occurred, so there are no guarantees as to what our victory response might look like. The reactionary spectrum starts with something as simple as a respectful handshake before crawling into our bed in total bliss, and reaches out to an all-out massive riot.

15. Remember, 82 games (not including playoffs) over 365 days is only 22 percent of the year.  That leaves 78 percent of days for you to decide what to do or what to watch in the evenings. That’s a pretty significant ratio in your favor, one that is extremely generous of your truly thoughtful partner. I mean, sure, the Milwaukee Brewers may take up the majority of that remaining chunk, but let’s keep our focus on the Bucks here.

Hopefully this list was helpful, and hopefully it won’t end any relationships. But it’s always better to be honest and open, and sharing expectations of your Milwaukee Bucks future is always a wise idea.